Free Grace Women

    We never imagine that we would intentionally work against ourselves. If we are not our own cheerleader how will we move forward, do our best, be encouraged, or encourage others? However, I recently found myself in a place completely out of my comfort zone, where I had to trust God’s good plan for me. It’s easy to say we trust Him until we are surrounded by uncertainty and doubt.

Doubt

    Doubt is one of those tricky things that can either remind us to regain our strength by trusting God, or can allow the enemy real estate in our head as the doubt begins to grow.

Our enemy knows us well and uses our weaknesses to pull us away from God.

    I am confident in only a couple of areas: I am a decent baker of bread, I’m pretty good at loving people (I get this from my parents), and I am a graphic designer. I have been doing graphic design for 25 years for clients through a business, ministry or freelance.

    In my early 50s I unexpectedly found myself looking for a job.  It’s a very weird and scary place to be, like being in a new town where you don’t know anyone or where anything is located. I don’t feel old, but my brain kept thinking “your competition is half your age”, or “you don’t have all the skills that companies are looking for.” I repeatedly tried to find a job online using a few different job search engines, but later found out that only 1% of people are placed in jobs using this route. I wasted a few months doing this.

    I did have a couple of temporary jobs during this two year gap, which seemed more like five years. It caused stress, frustration, financial pressures, and doubt, and dented my pride too, especially because neither of the jobs I found myself in were a perfect fit for me. I did my very best in both situations, but I was out of my element. My husband Scott however, can do most anything he sets his mind to. He has surpassed any ideas he ever dreamt of as a young man. He’s been a professional bull rider, carpenter, auto mechanic, youth pastor, supervisor and now a history teacher. He learns easily and can become good at almost anything.

    Although I am the absolute opposite, I do believe God gave me talent in some areas and also made me creative. He made me, as well as you, and instills in us skills to work with our hands. I would much rather be working with my hands than sitting around looking for a job, but I have the capacity and motivation to search and find a job. It wasn’t easy and I had to wait because God was preparing a place for me in the perfect job.

Lessons from Esther

    Many of us are fond of the story of Esther and especially the quote, “…who knows whether you attained royalty for such a time as this?” (from Esther 4:14)  Preceding the big triumph in the book of Esther was the evil plot of Haman to destroy the Jews because of his hatred of Esther’s cousin Mordecai. Haman convinced the king, Ahasuerus, to put out an edict to destroy all the Jews because Mordecai would not bow in honor of Haman. Once the edict was sealed with the king’s signet ring it could not be undone.

    That is where Queen Esther’s bravery came into play. She put her life on the line and approached the king uninvited, which was punishable by death. He extended his scepter along with grace and kindness to her. God used her to persuade the king to put out another edict that would allow the Jews (the queen’s people) to defend themselves against their foes. It is remarkable to me that the Jews were overjoyed with gratitude immediately.

“For the Jews there was light and gladness and joy and honor. In each and every province and in each and every city, wherever the king’s commandment and his decree arrived, there was gladness and joy for the Jews, a feast and a holiday.”  Esther 8:16-17 NASB1995

    They are celebrating here, not because God is making all of their problems go away, but because they will now be allowed to fight their enemies! God provided a way, they prepared, and then made it count! Of course, there was also a huge celebration of gratitude after their enemy was defeated!

Testimony to God’s Faithfulness

Our life experiences should be a testimony to us of all the times He provided, guided, and directed us with His wisdom.

Keeping a journal is a great way to keep track of them to look back and see God’s perfect control and be reminded that we can trust Him again and again–even with hard things like a midlife job search. We stick with Him, reading His word and taking our doubts and frustrations to Him through the hard part. Recently I started a new job in graphic design, and now that I have, I can clearly see that God has brought me here, cares about me specifically, and was preparing this position for me all along. I did not celebrate like the Jews did before I got my job, but I should have. I’m hopeful now that next time I will be more mindful of His love and provision for me and will look back on it and celebrate how He will provide a way. By staying Christ-centered we can be ready and avoid letting negative thoughts transform us into our own worst enemy.