Free Grace Women

Proverbs 20:19 NKJV “He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with one who flatters with his lips.”

What is Manipulation?

Manipulation is the act of controlling or influencing another person or situation unfairly. There are many different kinds of manipulation such as gaslighting, love bombing, or guilt-tripping, but we won’t get into all of the details of that at the moment.

Manipulation is quickly becoming a heavily debated topic in today’s society. Manipulative people are put on a negative pedestal, labeled as worse than people who struggle with common sins like worrying or anger. People seem to think that manipulation is something you intentionally put effort into, just to enjoy the cruelty of your actions. It is commonly placed next to other titles such as psychotic, narcissistic, insane, abusive, or toxic.

Proverbs 26:24-25 NKJV “He who hates, disguises it with his lips, and lays up deceit within himself. When he speaks kindly, do not believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart;”

Manipulation is Not Hard

In my few years on this earth, I have had plenty of experience with manipulation.

I have been both manipulated and manipulative, and I am here to tell you that it is not as hard as everyone seems to think it is.

Though it is something that can become abusive or harmful, in most cases, manipulation comes from average people like you and me. It is as easy as using flattery to get something you want, feigning vulnerability to get another person to feel comfortable with you, giving someone ‘the silent treatment’, or passing the blame instead of taking ownership.

Romans 16:17-18 NKJV  “…note those who cause divisions and offenses, contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and avoid them. For those who are such do not serve our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth words and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple.”

What’s the Root Issue?

You don’t openly see when someone is being manipulative in the same way that you might see someone getting physically hurt or yelling.

Manipulation is a quiet, hidden sin that when done well, people don’t notice. That is why it can be so dangerous.

Sin thrives in darkness, being hidden from God’s light. Other examples of hidden sins include worrying, people-pleasing, or constant attention-seeking (Matthew 6:25, Galatians 1:10, Matthew 6:1). Manipulation, like many other hidden sins, is a pride issue. It begins when someone thinks they can control a situation better than God.

Instead of trusting God’s perfect plan, His perfect timing, and His sovereignty over your life; you start to trust in the strength of your own manipulative willpower. It is an act of trying to control what is not yours to control.

Proverbs 16:9 NKJV “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”

How to Cure It

Manipulation is a sin that is not often talked about within Christian circles, but it is still a very prevalent issue.

Once you realize that you have a sin issue with manipulation, God can continue to reveal moments in your life when you are trusting your strength instead of His.

In my own experience, it is a very humiliating process, but a lot of growth can come out of it.

Though you are completely saved from the lake of fire at the moment of belief in Jesus, life is a continuous journey, a process of being saved from your sin and being made more like Jesus. Take a moment to examine your interactions with other people and your relationship with trusting God. If you have been convicted of this sin in your life, we have an amazing, faithful, forgiving God who is always with us. He wants to transform our lives and restore fellowship with us.

1 John 1:9 NKJV “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Watch for manipulation in others, and watch for it in yourself: we are not immune to sin.

Acts 20:30-31 NKJV “Also from among yourselves men will rise up, speaking perverse things, to draw away the disciples after themselves. Therefore watch, and remember that for three years I did not cease to warn every one night and day with tears.”