Free Grace Women

By Tiffany Brown

Childhood Confusion

“If you don’t do/feel such and such, or if you can’t recall a time that you gave your life to Jesus, then you might not be saved.” 

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard this line or some iteration of it from the pulpit. 

I spent my childhood and teenage years in an Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) church. As an adult, I spent four years in a Calvinist church and have also attended multiple churches whose soteriological beliefs were unclear. The IFB church I was raised in correctly taught that you can’t lose your salvation nor can you do anything to earn it; however, the preaching was riddled with confusing terminology, Lordship Salvation theology, and Scripture taken out of context. Commonly, presentations on how to have eternal life ended with an altar call and invitation to do any number of the following:

• “Recite ‘The Sinner’s Prayer’”
• “Ask Jesus into your heart”
• “Repent from your sins and make Him Lord of your life”
• “Confess Him as Lord”
• “Surrender your life to Jesus”

I don’t know when I first believed in Jesus for eternal life. I used to think this was a bad thing and proof I wasn’t saved, but I’ve since come to realize that it doesn’t matter when I believed; it only matters that I have believed. Most likely, I first believed in Jesus for eternal life at age four, but because of the confusing teaching I sat under, the assurance I had as a small child quickly turned into nearly thirty years of doubt and wondering if I had done everything I needed to do to be saved. While I would have said there was nothing I could do to earn my salvation, and I could quote John 3:16, the concern over proving my salvation by my own works clearly indicated deep confusion about the simplicity of believing in Jesus alone for eternal life. Twice after the age of four, once around age nine or ten, and again as a teenager, I walked the aisle during an altar call and prayed to accept Jesus and repent of my sins. I was desperate for assurance and thought maybe if I could just get it right this time, I would be able to move past the doubt. This was such a common occurrence at the church I attended that there was even a check mark on the decision card to fill out at the altar for “Assurance of salvation,” right next to the “Salvation” option. I was baptized a total of three times following these professions of faith. Given the teaching that I had heard and believed, it’s not surprising that this cycle—of praying a prayer, having immediate assurance, and then doubt creeping back in—continued, even after the 3rd and final profession and baptism, when I was so sure of my salvation. I carried the doubt and ensuing hopelessness for years and had come to accept that I would likely never have assurance of eternal life. 

Confronting My Uncertainty

Two years ago, I was working remotely and was notified that a team member who lived across the country had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. It was her last day at work, and I felt that I needed to share the Gospel with her. The problem was that I had no clue how to share the message of life. I couldn’t articulate how to have eternal life because the truth was, I wasn’t assured I had it myself. During my last meeting with my coworker, I told her I would pray for her, but I avoided telling her about Jesus. In the months that followed, I continuously felt that I should find a way to get in touch with her: to send her a book, write to her, or share anything about how she could have eternal life. But I kept putting it off. 

Sadly, last year, I received word that my coworker had passed away. I felt that I had disobeyed the Holy Spirit by not reaching out to her, and I was devastated. In the days following her death, I felt so much despair because of my inaction. I was overcome with sadness that she had passed. My thoughts raced as I was also filled with regret, fear and confusion about what my decision meant for me. I kept recalling the teachings I had heard on Matthew 10:33. 

“But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭10‬:‭33‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I felt like I failed to share the Gospel: I had surely denied Christ, and this meant He would deny me.

I understood this to mean He would deny me eternal life. I had always had issues with Reformed theology, but in my confusion, I reverted back to it. While I believed in eternal security, I ultimately didn’t have assurance due to the Calvinist teaching on Perseverance of the Saints. I started questioning if I was ever truly saved. 

Untangling the Confusion

I was desperate to learn from this experience and share the Gospel in the future, so I started searching online for resources. Everything I was finding was from a Calvinist perspective. There were multiple videos saying that it doesn’t truly matter if we fail to share the Gospel with others, because if someone is elect, they will have eternal life regardless of our actions.

Regarding Matthew 10:33, the articles I found said that if someone denies Christ, they were never truly saved. After many concerning articles and videos, I Googled “Non-Calvinist Interpretations of Matthew 10:33.” This search led me to the Grace Evangelical Society (GES) website, faithalone.org, and a blog post titled “Has This Passage Ever Bothered You? — Matthew 10:32-33” written by Bob Wilkin. It was the first time I recall seeing this passage taught as a principle of discipleship and future rewards, not as a principle of salvation. The discovery of the GES blog was life-altering. I began spending time every day reading the daily blog posts and searching the website for explanations of Scripture that had long confused me. I couldn’t believe there was such an amazing resource answering the questions I had pondered for years.

During this time, my husband accepted a job in a different state, and I soon found out we were moving within a few miles of numerous Free Grace churches! On the first Sunday we were in town, we attended a Free Grace church, and we immediately felt like we had found a church home. That Sunday, the women’s leader at church approached me and invited me to the women’s Bible study and a women’s retreat happening just two weeks later. I still had many questions, and she reached out. We had multiple conversations during those first few weeks. She explained Free Grace theology and shared many resources, including an incredible article in the Grace in Focus magazine written by two missionaries with experiences similar to mine with lost assurance. Our conversations and the resources shared helped me to untangle the false doctrines I believed, and the best and most convincing part is that everything was presented with truth from Scripture taken in context as the writer intended. I attended the women’s retreat, and the speaker brought even more clarity. She taught things I had wondered about for years, and presented them clearly, with Scripture, and in context. I was overwhelmed at how God was moving in my life and finally had the peace and assurance of my eternal security that I had been seeking for so many years. 

Clarity at Last

Looking back at the experience and journey that led me to Free Grace teaching, I now know that anything I would have shared with my coworker, had I had the courage, would not have been Biblical and would have surely caused confusion. Now I feel that the next time I have the opportunity to share about Jesus, I am equipped to share the simple message that eternal life is a free gift that can never be taken away, and it is only through believing in Jesus alone for eternal life that we receive it. There’s nothing we have to do. It really is as simple as John 3:15-16.

“that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” ‭‭John‬ ‭3‬:‭15‬-‭16‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

For anyone who is struggling, as I was, with the assurance of eternal life, it’s important to know that our works are not a measure of salvation. We don’t receive eternal life (nor do we prove our salvation) because of a prayer we’ve prayed, sorrow for sins, surrendering our life to Jesus, doing good for others, baptism or anything else we do.  

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2‬:‭8‬-‭9‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

We can be assured we have eternal life if we believe in Jesus alone! That’s it! Jesus will keep His promise in John 11:26. 

“And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?” ‭‭John‬ ‭11‬:‭26‬ ‭NKJV‬

The amazing thing is that the works mentioned above, along with so many other commandments that many people confuse with salvation, are actually discipleship passages that draw us closer to Jesus! We get to have a closer walk with Him as His disciples if we follow and obey Him. We can rest in the assurance of eternal life; we don’t have to prove it. Jesus settled that part. Now we get to live for Him! 

It is only by the grace of God that I am able to share this story. I am eternally grateful for the ministry of GES and the numerous Free Grace friends who have poured into me and helped me understand the truth about Jesus and believing in Him alone for eternal life.

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