By Nancy Rempel
On July 2nd, 1863, Union Colonel Colvill raised his sword above his head, the initials “U.S.” clearly etched on the blade, and belted out the order to fix bayonets. Out-manned, Colvill’s 1st Minnesota Regiment of 262 men galloped downhill in a daring counterattack against 1200 Confederate soldiers of the Alabama Brigade. Their bravery bought the Union Army time to bring additional troops forward to fill a mile and a half hole in its defensive lines. It was a suicide mission: all but 47 of the 1st Minnesotans were killed, injured, or went missing. Their obedience to the command enabled the Northern Army to maintain the high ground, saving it from defeat at the Battle of Gettysburg, a pivotal battle in the American Civil War.
The bloody American Civil War raged from 1861-1865. Another civil war rages worldwide: the war over roles in marriage. On a disgust scale, the notion of a hierarchy in marriage might rank somewhere between pus-filled sores and rodent filth. Bring up the topic of wives submitting to husbands, even in church, and you’d better have your car running. Faces harden, arms cross, and lips sneer. “I am no one’s doormat.” “What if my husband is abusive?” “But the Bible says, ‘There is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus’ (Gal. 3:28 NASB).”
The battle is not between men and women. Look closer. This war is in the hearts of women.
I get it. The shift from dating love to a marriage covenant is massive, like going from a civilian to an enlisted soldier. Nothing prepared me for it. The concept of a chain of command in marriage was antiquated, unfair, and demeaning. After all, my husband is not God. He is fallible, human. For years, we engaged in tugs-of-war: him trying to lead us, and me resisting, wearing him down until I got my way; then complaining that he didn’t take more leadership.
In the parched Judean wilderness, starving Jesus could have obeyed Satan’s suggestion and produced his own bread. But He submitted to the Father’s will—hunger. He shows me how to resist the devil.
Surrounded by adoring crowds who offered Jesus early kingship, He refused, submitting to the Father’s timeline. He teaches me sacrificial obedience.
Alone on his knees in the Garden of Gethsemane, the Son of God bowed His head and submitted. His choice bought eternal life for me.
And while being reviled, He did not revile in return;
while suffering, He uttered no threats,
but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously,
1 Peter 2:23 NASB
Exactly three verses later, I read these words in 1 Peter 3, starting in verse 1 (NASB).
1In the same way, you wives,
be submissive
to your own husbands
“In the same way.” My small world flipped upside down as I saw my role in the light of Jesus’ submission to the Father.
1…so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word,
I am free from judging whether he deserves my submission, whether he is qualified.
1…they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
2as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
I am free to be quiet. Free from wielding words, the dullest weapon in a woman’s arsenal.
3Your adornment must not be merely external—
braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;
4but let it be the hidden person of the heart,
with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is precious in the sight of God.
I am free to be beautiful, with the only accessory that really matters: Him.
5For in this way in former times the holy women also,
who hoped in God,
used to adorn themselves,
being submissive to their own husbands
I am free from isolation. I join the great company of women who have discovered the flip side of submission—hope in God.
6Just as Sarah obeyed Abraham,
calling him lord,
and you have become her children if you do what is right
without being frightened by any fear.
I am free from fear. Fear of what will happen if I do what is right.
Back to Gettysburg on July 2, 1863. What caused the mile and a half gap in the Union line that day?
General Meade of the Union army had ordered his subordinate, Major General Daniel Sickles, to station his III Corps of 10,000 troops on the left flank of the Union line on Cemetery Hill. Sickles did not trust Meade’s decision and disobeyed that order. Preferring a higher perch 2.1 miles uphill in a peach orchard, Sickles abandoned his position, leaving a massive V-shaped hole in the line.1
Not only did Sickles’s insubordination result in the obliteration of the First Minnesota Regiment, but his III Corps, cut off from the rest of the Union Army, became easy prey for Confederate soldiers led by General James Longstreet. Forty percent of Sickles’ III Corps were killed, injured, or went missing in the slaughter in the Peach Orchard.2 Sickles himself lost his right leg in the battle after a cannonball smashed into him.
A less flamboyant aspect of submission is respect. Respect is tangible. It’s something I do to my boss, treating him with deference, listening when he speaks, and obeying his directives. First Peter 3:2 defines submission as respect. The Greek word for respect is “phobos,” a word carrying the sense of holy awe. Wait, my husband is worthy of my holy awe? Yes, because of whom he represents. A general on the battlefield derives his authority from the head of state. My husband derives his authority from God Almighty.
Major General Sickles did not respect General Meade’s judgement. Deciding he knew better, Sickles did not submit to Meade. His cocky hubris sent almost 4,500 men to their deaths. When the 1st Minnesota submitted to the chain of command, they saved the Union Army from defeat at Gettysburg.
First Peter 3:1-6 saved our marriage. Certain that I knew better than God, and certainly better than my husband, I acted in disrespect, half-listening when he spoke to me, manipulating him to swing decisions my way, nursing critical thoughts about him, undervaluing him and his role—and all the while, judging myself to be wiser, more spiritual.
Some years ago, my husband and I took ballroom dancing lessons, specifically the Viennese Waltz. This waltz is a fast, continuous dance performed in a close embrace.3 While we had fun and learned a few steps, we did not learn the Viennese Waltz. But I learned something more valuable. First, you cannot dance with someone if you are mad at them. And second, in dancing, one person leads, and the other follows, resulting in perfect symmetry.
God transformed my thinking through 1 Peter, revealing to me the beauty and power of a woman in marriage. She can be indispensable without dominating. She can be influential, known for what she doesn’t say. She can be fearless, with an ironclad trust in the Lord. She can be beautiful from the inside out. And she can be absolutely free.
Post Script: In the New Testament, the Greek word used for submitting is hypotasso. “This word was a Greek military term meaning ‘to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader. In non-military use, it was ‘a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.’”4
- https://www.historyisnowmagazine.com/blog/2025/8/23/was-us-civil-war-major-general-daniel-sickles-a-scoundrel-or-hero ↩︎
- https://historynet.com/death-iii-corps/ ↩︎
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viennese_waltz
↩︎ - Blue Letter Bible App ↩︎
Nancy and her husband have been serving as missionaries in Pakistan, India, and North America for over three decades. They currently live in Western Canada, where she enjoys writing and the great outdoors. Recently Nancy published her first book, WHOOSH Out of My Head and Into GOD’S.
Free Grace Women 
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